M - Academic Style

Our local newspaper recently published an interesting article on the prophet M and the roots of the prohibition against his "picturing." What was missing in the story is the less well-known fact that M also appears in human form, especially among infidels when they have strayed too far and are in need of re-education. The human appearance is unusual but it is designed to undercut many corrosive secular-modern ideas that are dangerous because they lead mere mortals to believe that they have the right--indeed the duty--to shape their own lives.


In our 50 years as faculty at Purdue University, we believe that M has appeared three times in human form. The first time was in the form of the University President who believed that his special powers required a revision of health insurance without consulting the mere mortals. The second time was when the Dean of Liberal Arts required the mere mortals under her command to vote repeatedly on the same issue until the outcome of the vote was the correct one. The third time was when the Provost believed that he/she possessed special knowledge of the talents of normal people, like the length of their beard, and therefore was empowered to act on behalf of the wishes of M.


We believe that there are many at the University who think they have special knowledge of M. They are found in three groups. Some of them are of low-birth with few followers, but who nonetheless believe that M speaks through them, and their passive nature only strengthens M. A second group is composed of others who are known to be special because of their religious training which took place among many others who claimed special knowledge of M. The third group knows that M is a myth, but they are fearful that a demystification of M would be damaging to the collective good, and harmful to their own careers and their families.


So where does this leave us. We believe that the cuckoo clock will make a reappearance as one of the greatest achievements of our civilization. The cuckoo clock will provide an abundance of new information about M and will inspire the appearance of new followers. What is to be done? Don't invest in razor blades or electric shavers!