Near Tragedy Averted By Obama-Putin Cooperation: A Parable

According to the Associated Press, the National Security Agency reported this morning that a Cruise Missile Attack Squad mistakenly sent a cruise missile streaking toward Moscow with Putin as the intended target. The error was caused by the Squad's reading of the text of Obama's speech to the American people on 9/12/13. The Squad was unfortunately unused to reading real printed words on real paper and they misread Obama's statement that the attack on Syria "would not be a pin prick" to mean a  reference to Putin as a "pin-headed prick." They had to launch to avoid another empty Red Line threat.

Radio Moscow reports that the spirit of Lenin was watching over Putin. Luckily, Putin was out on horseback when the cruise missile came in very low, searching for Putin's address on Kremlin buildings. Using the quick thinking developed during his years with the KGB, Putin grabbed a lasso from his saddle and snagged the missile when it slowed to read several mail box addresses. Putin wrestled the missile to the ground and dismantled the war head.

Upon hearing the news, the White House reported that the lasso was a gift to Putin from President Barack Obama. A genuine Roy Rogers Red Ryder lasso!